↓ nothing to do with today's sketch
※ this is not a happy post from here , if you want to feel always comfortable ,close please. you don't have to catch toxic vibe on purpose.
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I mentioned toxic existence in my last post. Today, it developed further.
There are a few ways of thinking or seeing I have arrived at over the decades. I don't know if they will be of any use to anyone, but I believe they are not a waste of time.
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A consideration about what could happen to a person (C) who had a toxic parent (P), a toxic sibling (S), or both (PS).
Pattern ①
Even if C leaves them, C tends to attract people like PS (let’s call them PLPS).
In worse cases, C even approaches them by their own will.
Why: Because it feels familiar.
Needless to say, C is not aware of this at the time, and ends up repeating similar patterns over the long term.
PLPS’s similarities to PS
They have everything C doesn’t — a decent job, a social role, or a family they care for or respect.
Despite that, they have jealousy, envy, or a desire for approval deep inside — feelings they don’t notice or pretend not to have.
Their attitude: control, interference, obstruction, or monopolizing — all while acting like they are generous, open-minded, or understanding.
Their wish:
① that C fails.
② to monopolize C.
Why:
① They feel comfortable being “the kind friend” when C has failed. It relieves them from the fear that someone might achieve what they never could.
② They can feel that C’s accomplishments are partly theirs.
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PLPS’s methods
① They tell C their favorite stories — how much they’ve suffered, how patient they’ve been because of their responsibilities.
They never forget to tell C, “You don’t know anything about that.”
They also talk about how helpful they are, and how much people need them.
② After telling ①, they use C as an outlet for insults, criticism, and lamentations — always when no one else is around.
PS’s success
・C feels guilty for having feelings, or for doing anything, in any area of their life.
・Everyone around sides with PS, not with C.
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And needless to say, besides the fear of all this, C also faces another danger —the possibility of becoming a PLPS to someone else.
Realizing that, C begins to distance themself from people.
Postscript 2005.9.10
One of the important goals of toxic people (TP) is
not to be a good person for their target -
but to be seen a good person for the target by others around the target.
To achieve that, they make stories, alter facts, create memories and sometimes even praise the target in public.
They build a world - a world where, if the target tells the truth, people feel sorry for TP for having such a troubled child (or sister, or whatever).
They are skilled. It's like a long con.
And needless to say, I cannot write this without feeling not only guilt but also doubt - because there always be a possibility that I'm the sick one who are creating the world, like in "Shutter Island".
-"play pathology-ish"
