penny

the usual black pen is incapable ,other brown pen takes the part.

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one of my all time favorite series is "lost ", that "lost".

"lost" is constructed by sad, desperate  people (not all, but most of them are).

that suits me.

 i made a consideration. for me ,couldn't this 'sketching one piece every morning thing' be like  Penny for Desmond in "lost"?

i don't do time leap and sketching is not love, that is not the reason i thought like that.

put "lost"aside for a moment --

to live with the seriously unstable mind like  i do is , i think , similar to have the multiple personality. they (me) switches , from one to another.

i can recall what i was like yesterday and the day before. doubt, shame, and the causes of those came up and filled in my mind, and thought about how long i could take it.

 and right now, i know i am not like that.

and i also can recall it was changing yesterday afternoon ,gradually.

and i know the person will come back sometime soon and the person also knows (it is very very hard  to think that way for her) that "I" come back deep inside.

the person I was the day before yesterday cannot think and feel the way I do today.

the reverse is also true.

BUT

 i decided to do this"sketch awake" months ago and i feel bad if i don't do what i've decided to do so i keep doing.

and

this is very interesting, who made the decision was not the person like today ,that was the person like the one on the day before yesterday ,

so

 this me ,that me or even the other me can keep doing it.

and THAT is the reason i thought about Penny and Desmond.

couldn't this "sketch awake"  be my "constant" ?